It's hard for my husband and me to pick out presents for our 3-year old. She's at the crux of Princess and Dress obsession, something we never invited in but are somehow powerless to repel. Add to that our different upbringings: he got the toys he wanted, full of zeitgeist and testosterone, and Barbies, Cabbage Patch dolls and My Little Ponies were strictly forbidden in my house. So for this Valentine's Day, I got our girl something I thought might be fairly neutral, but desirable - a little Baby Pool and Sandbox to go with her Calico Critters Cozy Cottage Starter Set, a gift from her grandmother complete with a bunny family.
My daughter was still unwrapping the plastic bags that contained each tiny plastic component (sand castle, watering can, beach ball...) when she said "I think we need to get more. Can we get more for the house so the bunny is happy?" This from a child who has no knowledge that there's an entire line of Calico Critters Stuff (campers, bedrooms, Deluxe Villages, Luxury Towns...), who almost never watches TV, who is wholly unfamiliar with the concepts of keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, consumer culture and the advertsing equation (buy ____ = happier).
Well, scratch that last part, obviously we grow our consumerism from inside the womb, as expecting mothers become captive shoppers for thousands of things their child will probably never need or use. It was shocking to hear how effective the campaign for hungry hearts and minds can be. In the moment, I told my daughter that the additions we bought her were special gifts, and the bunny should be grateful for them, not think about how she needs more. But after she went to bed, I told her father I felt complicit, and I didn't think I could ever get her another addition to the Cozy Cottage.
Too bad she'll learn it all regardless. I am far from immune to the belief that I can buy my way into better-ness. I don't know what else to do except to keep asking those questions, and hope that will encourage her to ask more questions herself. These links at least make me feel supported in this task, and at most remind me we are no more the prisoner of our desires than we desire to be...
For an academic take on consumerism and child identity: http://mcs.sagepub.com/content/33/3/347.abstract
And a Buddhist perspective on being content with what is: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-reasons-to-be-happy-even-if-things-aren’t-perfect-now/
Taking it all a step further to minimalism: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/7-common-problems-solved-by-owning-less/
And because when I first went searching for links most of what came up was about eating, here are some reasonable, practical guidelines to feeling more satisfied on less food: http://www.dumblittleman.com/2009/10/learn-to-eat-less-and-feel-more.html
4 comments:
I have pushed gently but firmly toward Lego. It has paid off as M spends far less time manipulating dolls as she does building things, (albeit often castles with princesses, but somehow I am more at peace).
Wow... Am kind of amazed that happened, given what is indeed your parenting/consuming style. Leads me to wonder whether it has nothing to do with consumerism, since she does live a pretty green/conscious/modest lifestyle (unless you count more travels all over the world in 3 years of life than I've had in the last 10....) She's always been a voracious "consumer", though - a double-fisting eater with a highly expansive imagination. Could it be that the "more" was simply an immediate reaction to what I'm sure were vast numbers of play scenarios her little brain was already conjuring? And said to you with the same appetite she has for life? Dunno.... just seeing if there's another possible explanation... :-)
Apologies, it's been so long since anyone's commented on my blog I didn't even see these here! Robbie - thanks for reading, and writing... I love that M loves Legos ( A DUSP degree in her future? I just had to say it, college will be obsolete in the rubble of civilization by then). We have so many Legos. And sometimes she likes to play with them. But she is constitutionally taken w/the fantasy piece. My teacher says that's her Water element, supah strong.
Ange, I like your ruminations - although oddly enough, she has actually made the exact same comment on 2 other occasions now. And she doesn't play with it every day, so I found it odd that she has that attachment to it.
Either way, I think we always pray as parents that the phase floats away someday, or turns into a marketable screenplay...
PS - THANK YOU FOR COMMENTING! I LOVE comments. You rock.
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