worth, the wait...

It's hard to consider patience a virtue when you live in a world where "efficiency" is king. More; faster. Chalk up another victory for our favorite American paradigm if you've somehow bypassed any struggle to attain this more, this faster. Although Tom Ashbrook brought to my attention that SOMEone, often, does have to suffer to make this equation work (check out this Mother Jones article on warehouse workers) ... got me to thinking: do we really need it all to happen so quickly? Career success, potty training, Amazon orders - have we changed the waiting game so much that we forgot the nature of its fairest rules?

Because there is a kind of justice to the tortoise beating the hare, or Jon Hamm landing Don Draper. There's even joy in reaping the rewards of the things you gave up waiting for: to reconnect w/a childhood friend, to escape the long shadow of an accomplished parent, to hear your favorite song on the radio. That said, it's much easier to apply this enlightened distance to objects we don't immediately desire. When you open your heart to the world and the response is radio silence, what do you fill the space with?

Good for you if the answer isn't related to negative thoughts, or "afflictive" mental states - but my particular mantra of self-torture tends to be that I'm not working hard enough, that I just need to try harder/study longer/work faster/be better, and then I will receive the recognition/fortune/satisfaction/love I seek. So I decided to study how I might escape this loop at a retreat called "Cultivating Patience".

My teacher, the Venerable Tenzin Priyardashi was helping us navigate this chapter on patience in The Way of the Bodhisattva, written in the 7th century by Buddhist scholar Shantideva. He quickly pointed out the irony of being impatient about patience: There's no magic button, he said. But the incentive is that the more patience and calmness you possess, the more you can protect your positive mental states from emotions like anger, hatred and jealousy. The space you create affords the time to be more specific about those feelings: are you angry at the world? Too monumental. What are the specific causes that give rise to these emotions? What can you manage, what do you have control over? And what must you let go, what is beyond your control?

I think most of the time (always?), other humans fall into this category of "beyond our control". More sage advice from Tenzin was to disconnect the behavior of the person from his/her personality. To say to yourself, _______ is experiencing anger vs. _____ is an angry person. This approach might create some objectivity - enough distance to recall the positive aspects of this person.

Have yet to put this concept into practice... but I know I needn't worry, I'll have plenty of opportunity to encounter someone who's experiencing anger; my own emotions are probably the best place to start. At least I've had a little bit of practice with this - when it comes to trusting that I don't always need to MAKE things happen, my proverbial work is cut out.

Take comfort, Tenzin says: Patience is non-reactive, not non-responsive. Patience isn't synonymous with passiveness, in other words - it can get you closer to your goals. A thought beautifully illustrated in this Hawaiian legend.

Remember what's at stake. Once we value our peace of mind as much as any external entity we crave, patience will start to regain the value it deserves.